The Hobbits March in One Year

From here.

The legacy media can't read the Hobbits because they're unfamiliar with life in the Shire. Ironically, they pronounce the death of the Tea Party while it is they who speak with the death rattle.

Near the final scene of the Lord of the Rings films, Gandalf crowns the new king and proclaims, "Now comes the days of the King." The crowd cheers. The new king kisses his queen to be. The crowd applauds. Then the king the approaches the four Hobbits: Frodo, Samwise, Peregrin, and Meriadoc. The Hobbits bow to the king. He stops them, saying, "My friends, you bow to no one." And the king leads the crowd in kneeling before the Hobbits.

That's something akin to what the Founders had in mind for the United States of America.

One year from this November 9th, the Hobbits march to the polls.

Read it all.
 

[Breaking News] Dioceses of Eau Claire and Fond du Lac have voted to approve merger

[UPDATE: The vote was later found to have been miscounted in the Diocese of Fond du Lac, and the measure failed. The merger has been defeated--deferred, postponed--who knows? Stay tuned.]

My sources in northern Wisconsin told me moments ago that the Episcopal Diocese of Eau Claire and the Episcopal Diocese of Fond du Lac, both meeting in convention today, have voted to approve a merger of the two dioceses.

[Update - 2:58 p.m.:] A press release has just appeared on the Diocese of Fond du Lac website.

[Update - 3:44 p.m.:] An announcement has also appeared on the Diocese of Eau Claire website in which Bishop Edwin Leidel states:

Today our two dioceses made history. Never before have two dioceses in the Episcopal Church "junctioned" together. So, today we begin a new journey to create a new Diocese in northern Wisconsin.

The "junctioning," as it is being called (is there some reason why they want to avoid the term "merger"?), of the two dioceses has been a matter of study and discussion for the past several years and comes amidst losses in membership and attendance in both dioceses, but particularly the Diocese of Eau Claire.

Statistics for 2010 show that the Diocese of Fond du Lac has seen a decline in average Sunday attendance from approximately 2800 to 2100 (for the entire diocese) during the period from 2003 to 2010. The Diocese of Eau Claire has seen a decline in average Sunday attendance from approximately 1000 to 800 (again, for the entire diocese) in the past four years (2006-2010).

While this may be the first time in the history of the Episcopal Church that two dioceses have "junctioned," it appears that this solution may be adopted in other Episcopal dioceses with declining membership in the years ahead.
 

Episcopal Diocese of Atlanta to consider resolution restoring Pelagius as "a viable theological voice within our tradition"

From here, though you will have to scroll down to Resolution "R11-7"

Pelagius was condemned as a heretic in the 5th century. The case for reappraising Pelagius is a current theological fad (yes, theologians have those), but it is still rather amazing that it should come up as a resolution in an Episcopal diocesan convention. For those interested in concise explanation of why this matters, I recommend this article.

The full resolution from the Diocese of Atlanta is below:

R11-7 Contributions of Pelagius

Whereas the historical record of Pelagius’s contribution to our theological tradition is shrouded in the political ambition of his theological antagonists who sought to discredit what they felt was a threat to the empire, and their ecclesiastical dominance, and whereas an understanding of his life and writings might bring more to bear on his good standing in our tradition, and whereas his restitution as a viable theological voice within our tradition might encourage a deeper understanding of sin, grace, free will, and the goodness of God’s creation, and whereas in as much as the history of Pelagius represents to some the struggle for theological exploration that is our birthright as Anglicans, Be it resolved, that this 105th Annual Council of the Diocese of Atlanta appoint a committee of discernment overseen by our Bishop, to consider these matters as a means to honor the contributions of Pelagius and reclaim his voice in our tradition And be it further resolved that this committee will report their conclusions at the next Annual Council.

 

The Chicago Consultation uses Indaba to Export TEC's LGBT agenda

The Chicago Consultation is taking its innovative views on human sexuality and justice to a conference at the Ujamaa Centre in South Africa. Designed to strengthen mission and advocacy connections, the Consultation will provide Indaba processing and Bible studies for bishops, church leaders and "grassroots advocates for LGBT people":

From here:

In mid-October, the Chicago Consultation and the Ujamaa Centre of the University of KwaZulu-Natal will convene a gathering in South Africa to strengthen mission and advocacy connections among Anglicans who are interested in the theology of human sexuality and justice. We believe that deeper connections with each other will make it easier for us to work together in mission and to communicate productively when challenging Communion-wide issues arise. The co-conveners of the consultation are Professor Gerald West, director of the Ujamaa Centre, and Professor Esther Mombo of St. Paul's University in Limuru, Kenya.

The consultation, which will involve about 55 people and last for three days, will be grounded in the Indaba process, prayer and Bible study and will explore theological perspectives on human sexuality and justice. Participants will include theologians, bishops, church leaders, grassroots advocates for lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender people and other people willing to engage in intensive conversations across cultural boundaries.

The participants in the consultation will share their experiences with the wider church through stories and video reflections and through the report of a listening team led by the Rev. Janet Trisk, a representative to the Anglican Consultative Council from the Church of Southern Africa. [Emphasis added.]

 

[Updated] EPGM disbands after 21 years of service to the Episcopal mission community

From Episcopal News Service:

Episcopal Partnership for Global Mission (EPGM) has announced that it will officially disband as a mission networking organization serving the Episcopal Church, according to an Oct. 15 news release.

The decision to disband was made at EPGM's annual meeting, held at the Everyone Everywhere 2011 conference in Estes Park, Colorado, and approved by consensus of the attending membership organizations, the release said.

EPGM began in 1990 as the Episcopal Council for Global Mission (ECGM). It was renamed in 1999 when its structural organizing plan was approved by Executive Council. General Convention adopted the plan in 2000.

Financial issues due to loss of funding from the 2009 General Convention and loss of membership contributed to the decision to disband, according to the release.

Read it all.

The Episcopal Partnership for Global Mission was once a fine organization--an umbrella group where all of the agencies and mission organizations that served the Episcopal Church could come together and work on goals and strategies and engage in cooperative efforts. As with so many other signs of TEC's implosion, it saddens me to see it die.

However, as Paul Harvey was famous for saying, we need to know "the rest of the story." The sentence mentioning the loss of membership is the key.

Following the election of Gene Robinson as Bishop of New Hampshire in 2003, the Diocese of New Hampshire applied for membership in EPGM. Viewed charitably, one could perhaps hope that the application meant there was a group in the Diocese genuinely concerned for world missions. A more skeptical view is that the Diocese was seeking to force recognition and acceptance from one of the few remaining Episcopal organizations where theological conservatives were in the majority. The application, and the debate over issues of sexuality that were racking TEC as a whole, only served to bring to a head longstanding disagreements over theology and the meaning of mission and evangelism.

In any event, New Hampshire's application to join EPGM put the conservative mission organizations in a difficult position. Many of the overseas Anglican provinces where missionaries from the conservative mission organizations served were determined to break fellowship with the Diocese of New Hampshire and even the whole of the Episcopal Church as a consequence of the consecration of a gay bishop. Some of these same Anglican provinces started refusing money from TEC, and they began questioning missionaries and mission organizations that worked in their countries about their participation in TEC and their position on TEC's actions.

Consequently, conservative mission agencies that had been a part of EPGM were faced with a choice of either losing their ability to send missionaries to various countries or else withdrawing from EPGM. The withdrawals did not happen quickly or without much prayer and discussion. New Hampshire's application to join EPGM was put on hold while these conversations occurred. But, in the end, EPGM willingness to admit the Diocese of New Hampshire caused the conservative mission agencies to leave. Titus Presler encapsulates this episode very well in his history of EPGM, published on the EPGM website (while it is still online). (See especially the section entitled, "EPGM Fractured by Sexuality Turmoil," pages 6-7.) As Presler notes, the agencies that left EPGM were the ones responsible for sending nearly all of the actual, long term missionaries from the Episcopal Church. These organizations have since formed a new umbrella network, the Anglican Global Mission Partners.

Interestingly, while the split in EPGM began over an application for membership from the Episcopal Diocese of New Hampshire, the list of current members on the EPGM website shows no listing for the Diocese of New Hampshire nor any organization from that diocese.

[Update 10/18/11]: For those who may be interested in what has happened to the organizations that left since the split, the Anglican Global Mission Partners continue to meet twice annually, usually hosting a missions conference at the church or seminary where they meet. Their meeting, two weeks ago, at St. James Anglican Church, in Newport Beach, CA, was in conjunction with the SALT Missions Conference. Their Spring 2012 meeting will be at Nashotah House Theological Seminary, and they are planning a Re:Mix Youth Missions Conference at the same time.

The agencies that are a part of Anglican Global Mission Partners (AGMP) have continued to grow. For instance, SAMS (formerly the South American Missionary Society) has changed its name to the Society of Anglican Missionaries and Senders. The number of missionaries being sent from SAMS has nearly doubled in the past decade, and they are now a worldwide organization, with missionaries on every continent.

The Anglican Global Mission Partners (AGMP) itself has grown through the number of new organizations that have joined since the split from EPGM. A personal observation: One would think that the contrast in the histories of the two entities since the split—even the contrast in sheer vitality between the two organizations—might be enough to convince TEC that they made a wrong turn somewhere.
 

Wall Street Journal: Twenty first century Excommunication

The Wall Street Journal has turned it's focus onto the Episcopal Church's campaign against departing churches:

When the Church of the Good Shepherd in Binghamton, N.Y., left the Episcopal Church over disagreements about what the Bible says about sexuality, the congregation offered to pay for the building in which it worshiped. In return the Episcopal Church sued to seize the building, then sold it for a fraction of the price to someone who turned it into a mosque.

The congregation is one of hundreds that split or altogether left the Episcopal Church—a member of the Anglican Communion found mostly in the United States—after a decades-long dispute over adherence to scripture erupted with the consecration of a partnered gay bishop in 2003. But negotiating who gets church buildings hasn't been easy. Presiding Bishop Katharine Jefferts Schori said she'd rather have these properties become Baptist churches or even saloons than continue as sanctuaries for fellow Anglicans.

Read it all.
 

Episcopal Cathedral Church of Saint John to close in Wilmington, Delaware

The headline says it all, but you can read the letter from the Vestry regarding the cathedral's closing here. An Episcopal cathedral, with programs, ministries, and a full-fledged choir school, going out of business as of next July.... It's stunning, and it made me very, very sad.

It might be noted that the cathedral website contains this statement on diversity and inclusion:

The Cathedral Church of Saint John is a welcoming, supportive, and inclusive congregation which offers innovative opportunities for children, youth, and adults to find a special niche for spiritual growth and nurture within a small group setting. Our membership is diverse in age, career interests, sexual orientation, and racial and cultural backgrounds. Community service, diversity, and excellence in liturgy and music are hallmarks of the Cathedral.
Our Call:

As the Cathedral Church of Saint John, we believe that God is calling us:

To be a welcoming and supportive community to our diverse congregation;
To nurture children, youth, and adults in our congregation and urban neighborhood;
To be personal Disciples of Christ and public witnesses of the Gospel; and
To be a resource to the clergy and people of the [sic - This is where the statement ends in mid-sentence.]

Apparently the emphasis on diversity and inclusion wasn't sufficient to build a congregation big enough even to continue to operate.

This is where the Episcopal Church has made a huge mistake: substituting inclusion and social justice for evangelism. (But when you have lost sight of the biblical gospel, what else can you expect?) It was the death of the 20/20 program, and to the extent that the rest of the Episcopal church follows this trend (and it is!) it will be the death of the denomination.

Don't misunderstand me: Evangelism is supposed to be inclusive. "Go into all the world and preach the gospel..." (Mark 16:15). The gospel is about diversity: "make disciples of all nations..." (Matthew 28:19). But inclusion and diversity (social justice, the Millennium Development Goals, etc.) apart from the authentic, saving Gospel of Jesus Christ is a futile and empty thing--one that offers no true salvation but only death.
 

Why Young Americans Can’t Think Morally

by Dennis Prager (from National Review Online)

Last week, David Brooks of the New York Times wrote a column on an academic study concerning the nearly complete lack of a moral vocabulary among most American young people. Here are excerpts from Brooks’s summary of the study of Americans aged 18 to 23. It was led by “the eminent Notre Dame sociologist Christian Smith”:

● “Smith and company asked about the young people’s moral lives, and the results are depressing.”

● “When asked to describe a moral dilemma they had faced, two-thirds of the young people either couldn’t answer the question or described problems that are not moral at all.”

please visit the original site and read it all.

● “Moral thinking didn’t enter the picture, even when considering things like drunken driving, cheating in school or cheating on a partner.”

● “The default position, which most of them came back to again and again, is that moral choices are just a matter of individual taste.”

● “As one put it, ‘I mean, I guess what makes something right is how I feel about it. But different people feel different ways, so I couldn’t speak on behalf of anyone else as to what’s right and wrong.’”

● “Morality was once revealed, inherited and shared, but now it’s thought of as something that emerges in the privacy of your own heart.”

Please visit the original site and read it all.
 

I remember when we had a President

(Yes, it's off-topic and political to boot!)

We can learn a lot from a 1948 cartoon.

Please watch it all the way to the end.

America as Less Than No. 1?

As the US economy reels from the downgrade of our debt by Standard & Poor's last week and as we watch Britain burn and the economy of Europe meltdown, Daniel Henninger asks, "So this is a taste of what it will be like when the American superpower starts shrinking. Enjoying it yet?" His column in today's Wall Street Journal is a must read for everyone concerned about the future of the United States and the policy decisions we face.

With a show of force and prayer, London fights back

Updates on the situation in England:

With a show of force and prayer, London fights back

Police swarm London streets to tackle unrest

Riots reveal London's two disparate worlds

Slideshow: Riots break out in UK

Video: Riots spread in the UK

Please remember to Pray for England.

Pray for England

Photos from here.

The riots that have encased the poor neighborhoods of London for three days spread to six new parts of the city late Monday night as Prime Minister David Cameron announced he would cut short his August vacation and return Tuesday. Protesters smashed windows and set fire to cars in the neighborhoods of Hackney, Lewisham, Clapham, Peckham, Croydon, and Woolwich, as well as the cities of Birmingham and Liverpool.

The riots erupted Saturday night in Tottenham (north London) after police shot and killed a gang member, but government officials have said the upheaval can be blamed on the austerity measures that have effectively crippled police. The rioting has taken place near the site of the 2012 Olympic Games, which had been labeled as a boon to the same impoverished neighborhoods that are being devastated. The riots are considered the worst social upheaval in Britain in living memory.

Please pray for a restoration of law and order (and sanity) among the affected populations in England and for spiritual renewal and healing of the nation.

The Rev. Dr. John R.W. Stott - R.I.P.

This past week saw the death of a giant among evangelical Christians. Who is John Stott? If you don't know, the best short explanation is perhaps the Op-Ed column from The New York Times written by David Brooks in 2004. Others may want to check out the obituary or the excellent tribute from Christianity Today or the "Opinion Roundup: Leaders and Friends Remember John Stott" from that same magazine.

John Stott was one of the greatest influences in my life as a Christian. I first encountered his thinking in the small book, The Baptism and Fullness of the Holy Spirit when, as a teenager, I confronted questions about this issue. This encounter led me to read Basic Christianity and, over the years, practically everything Stott wrote, eventually using his book, The Cross of Christ as one of the texts in teaching systematic theology at the seminary level and in numerous classes for laity. This book is, in my opinion, the best, most powerful, and most accessible treatment of the subject of the Atonement of Christ ever written.

While still a college and seminary student I had several opportunities to hear John Stott speak and to meet him. He influenced not only my understanding of my call to ordained ministry but also my pilgrimage from Baptist to Anglican.

In May of this year, Nashotah House conferred an honorary Doctor of Divinity degree on John Stott, who had received numerous similar honors in his lifetime. It was the hope of the graduating senior class, who recommended that Dr. Stott be nominated for the degree, that he would be our Commencement speaker. But his advancing age and declining health did not permit him to attend, so he received the degree in absentia.

I consider it among the high points of my deanship and presidency at Nashotah House that we were able to confer honorary doctorates on John Stott as well as another British evangelical leading light, Dr. J.I. Packer, who was our Commencement speaker in May 2009. If anyone had told me, when I was a college and seminary student, benefiting from their powerful teaching more than 30 years ago, that I would someday be signing my name on a diploma for either of them, I would not have believed it.

In the Anglican tradition we pray in each Eucharistic service the "Prayer for the Whole State of Christ's Church and the World." The traditional form from the Book of Common Prayer contains these words for the departed:

And we also bless thy holy Name for all thy servants departed this life in thy faith and fear, especially [names of those to be remembered], beseeching thee to grant them continual growth in thy love and service; and to grant us grace so to follow the good examples of all thy saints, that with them we may be partakers of thy heavenly kingdom.

We don't merely ask that the departed might rest in peace, we pray that they might experience "continual growth in thy love and service..." One could well ponder what that might look like for a faithful servant like John Stott. While, by God's grace (and Stott would be the first to acknowledge that it is only by God's grace), he has entered into the rest prepared for all God's saints, it gives one hope and a cause for rejoicing to think that he is still growing in the love and service of his dear Savior and Lord.
 

"Pride Eucharist at the Cathedral"

From Tom Crowe @ Catholic Vote.org:

St. James' Episcopal Cathedral, in Chicago, is the birthplace of the Brotherhood of St. Andrew (in 1883). My, how things have changed!

In case you can't read the fine print, it says the Eucharist will be "A Prayerful Celebration featuring the music of Lady Gaga and Cyndi Lauper."


"…Because nothing says “prayerful” like the music of Lady Gaga and Cyndi Lauper."
 

Archbishop of Sudan asks for prayers and help for the conflict in southern Sudan

The Archbishop of the Episcopal Church of the Sudan (ECS), the Most. Rev. Dr. Daniel Deng Bul, has appealed to the international community for help to resolve the conflict engulfing Abyei and Southern Kordofan states ahead of the indpendendence of South Sudan on 9th July 2011.

Fighting and violence, including the use of warplanes to carry out aerial bombardments, has been ongoing in the region since 5th June 2011 and has been directed in many cases against civilian settlements and churches, including All Saints Cathedral in Kadugli, the capital of Southern Kordofan. The United Nations has reported that over 160,000 have fled the fighting between the Sudanese Armed Forces (SAF) and local communities.

Archbishop Dr Deng Bul said in a statement, ”Without a doubt then, the most worrying aspect of this recent conflict is the way in which the fighting that originated between the SAF and the (South Sudan-based) Sudan People’s Liberation Army has now transformed into what can only be described as a deliberate attempt to rid Kadugli of its indigenous African and Christian population by the SAF, in short a policy of ethnic cleansing.”

As well as asking for prayer for a resolution to the situation, he also appealed to the international community to apply diplomatic pressure and to aid agencies to work with the ECS to relieve the suffering of local people.

Donations for the work of the ECS to relieve the suffering in Abyei and Southern Kordofan states can be made through Anglican International Development’s website: www.interanglicanaid.org.


Background to Anglican International Development

Following the founding of the Fellowship of Confessing Anglicans in the UK and Ireland that is seeking to provide a spiritual home for Orthodox and Mainstream Anglicans, Anglican International Development (AID) has been founded in solidarity with Anglican Christians throughout the world.

Over the next few years, enabled by a supporter team, AID will be partnering with churches around the world in the fields of education, skills & capacity building, job creation, agriculture, healthcare and church development, as well as support to economic development by offering training and finance to micro-enterprises and small businesses. AID plans to bring help and hope, especially into those in regions where access to these basic, life-supporting needs have been restricted or denied to Christians due to deliberate discrimination and oppression. AID is commencing its work in South Sudan, a region catastophically affected by a civil war over decades that will gain its independence on 9th July 2011.

To find out more, please visit:
www.interanglicanaid.org
 

It's the End of the World as We Know It (or not)

Visit msnbc.com for breaking news, world news, and news about the economy

A California pastor's prediction that the world would meet its demise (or that the Rapture would come) on Saturday failed to materialize. The uneventful passage of May 21 no doubt came as a surprise to followers of 89-year-old Harold Camping, the pastor and owner of the Oakland-based Family Radio Network. Some of Camping's followers and listeners to Family Radio around the world quit their jobs, cashed in retirement savings, and spent thousands of dollars to warn others of the impending doom.

While Mr. Camping was reading his Bible, he should have paid attention to Matthew 24:36, "However, no one knows the day or hour when these things will happen, not even the angels in heaven or the Son himself. Only the Father knows."

So, nope, no end of the world yesterday. Although there were still floods along the Mississippi and this volcano thingy over in Iceland.
 

Obama throws Israel under the bus

Obama throws Israel under the bus, but Netanyahu responds brilliantly. From here:

Netanyahu: History Will Not Give the Jewish People Another Chance
Katie Pavlich

President Obama and Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu have wrapped up their meeting about the future of the Middle East. Obama tried to reassure the American and Israeli people that the close relationship between the U.S. and Israel is sound.

Yesterday, President Obama called on Israel to go back to its borders of 1967, which put the Jewish State at just 9 miles wide. Netanyahu immediately rejected that call yesterday and rejected it again in front of the world today.

“Israel cannot go back to 1967 lines,” Netanyahu said. “We can’t go back to the indefensible lines.”

Throughout his remarks, Obama claimed the goal of his administration is for Israel to be a secure state living in peace next to a contiguous Palestine. In order for Palestine to be contiguous, Israel would have to be divided into two.

Netanyahu said in order to have real peace based on undeniable facts, the Palestinians would have to recognize Israel’s right to exist and that negotiating with Hamas would be to negotiate with the Palestinian equivalent of Al Qaeda. Hamas is a terrorist organization and has fired thousands of rockets into Israel with a goal of killing innocent men, women and children.

“Israel cannot negotiate with a Palestinian government that's backed by Hamas,” Netanyahu said. “Hamas has just attacked you, Mr. President, and the United States for ridding the world of bin Laden. “

Netanyahu gave Palestinian President Mahmoud Abbas a choice: stand with Hamas or make amends and peace with Israel. He also called for Abbas to resolve the Palestinian refugee problem in the context of a Palestinian state, not within the borders of Israel.

“The Arab attack in 1948 on Israel resulted in two refuge problems: Palestinian refugee problem and a Jewish refugee, roughly the same number who were expelled from Arab lands. Now tiny Israel absorbed the Jewish refuges but the vast Arab world refused to absorb the Palestinian refugees. Now, 62 years later, the Palestinians come to us and they say to Israel, ‘Accept the grandchildren and the great grandchildren of these refugees,’ thereby wiping out Israel’s future as a Jewish state. It’s not going to happen. Everybody knows it’s not going to happen. And I think it’s time to tell the Palestinians forthrightly, it’s not going to happen,” Netanyahu said. “It’s not going to be resolved within the Jewish state.”

During their conversation, Obama and Netanyahu also talked about the situation in Syria, the Arab Spring and the efforts of Iran to obtain nuclear weapons, but it is clear the focus of their conversation was centered on the relationship between Israel and Palestine.

“We share your hope and your vision for democracy in the Middle East,” Netanyahu said. “Israel wants peace, I want peace. What we all want is a peace that will be genuine, that will hold, that will endure.”

Obama reiterated his belief in the meeting that it is inappropriate for Iran to have nuclear weapons and said the U.S. and Israel continue to share deep concerns about Iran.

“We don’t have a lot of margin for error,” Netanyahu said. “History will not give the Jewish people another chance.”

A peace based on anything else but reality will not last. Oliver North put it perfectly in his reaction to the meeting by saying this isn’t about an election for Netanyahu; this is about the survival of the Jewish people and the Jewish State.

Although the meeting was tense, Netanyahu said there is an overall direction he wishes to take to work with the United States in order to pursue a real, genuine peace, showing faith in the American people to do the right thing.

“You are a leader of a great people, the American people, and I’m the leader of a much smaller people. It’s a great people too. We’ve been around for almost 4,000 years. We’ve experienced struggle and suffering like no other people. They’ve gone through expulsions and massacres and the murder of millions, but I can say that even at the nadir of the Valley of Death, we never lost hope and we never lost our dream of reestablishing a sovereign state and an ancient homeland of Israel. Now it falls on my shoulders, as the Prime Minister of Israel, at a time of extraordinary instability and uncertainty in the Middle East, to work with you, to fashion a peace that will ensure Israel’s security and will not jeopardize it’s survival. I take this responsibility with pride, but with great humility,” Netanyahu said.

 

Alerts to Threats in 2011 Europe, by John Cleese

The French government announced yesterday that it has raised its terror alert level from "Run" to "Hide." The only two higher levels in France are “Collaborate" and "Surrender." The rise was precipitated by a recent fire that destroyed France 's white flag factory, effectively paralyzing the country's military capability.

The English are feeling the pinch in relation to recent events in Libya and have therefore raised their security level from "Miffed" to "Peeved." Soon, though, security levels may be raised yet again to "Irritated" or even "A Bit Cross." The English have not been "A Bit Cross" since the blitz in 1940 when tea supplies nearly ran out. Terrorists have been re-categorized from "Tiresome" to "A Bloody Nuisance." The last time the British issued a "Bloody Nuisance" warning level was in 1588, when threatened by the Spanish Armada.

The Scots have raised their threat level from "Pissed Off" to "Let's get the Bastards." They don't have any other levels. This is the reason they have been used on the front line of the British army for the last 300 years.

Italy has increased the alert level from "Shout Loudly and Excitedly" to “Elaborate Military Posturing." Two more levels remain: "Ineffective Combat Operations" and "Change Sides."

The Germans have increased their alert state from "Disdainful Arrogance" to “Dress in Uniform and Sing Marching Songs." They also have two higher levels: "Invade a Neighbor" and "Lose."

Belgians, on the other hand, are all on holiday as usual; the only threat they are worried about is NATO pulling out of Brussels.

The Spanish are all excited to see their new submarines ready to deploy. These beautifully designed subs have glass bottoms so the new Spanish navy can get a really good look at the old Spanish navy.

Australia, meanwhile, has raised its security level from "No worries" to "She'll be alright, Mate." Two more escalation levels remain: "Crikey! I think we'll need to cancel the barbie this weekend!" and "The barbie is canceled." So far no situation has ever warranted use of the final escalation level.

John Cleese
British writer, actor and tall person

This came in my e-mail and is apparently all over the internet. But it is so good I just had to reproduce it here. If you hold the copyright, and your security level has been raised from "Miffed" to "Peeved" or even higher by seeing it here, drop me a line and, after verification, I'll pull it.

Google Exodus

If the Exodus took place today: